Sven was going for his morning walk one day when he walked past Ole's house and saw a sign that said "Boat For Sale." This confused Sven because he knew that Ole didn't own a boat, so he finally decided to go in and ask Ole about it. "Hey Ole," said Sven, "I noticed da sign in your yard dat says 'Boat For Sale,' but ya don't even have a boat. All ya have is your old John Deere tractor and combine." Ole replied "Yup, and they're boat for sale." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ole and Lena were laying in bed one night when the phone rang, Ole answered it and Lena heard him yell, "Vell, how da heck shouldI know, dats over 2,000 miles away" and he hung up. Lena say's "who was dat Ole?". Ole say's "heck if I know, some guywants ta know if da coast is clear." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ole was fishing with Sven in a rented boat. They could not catch a thing. Ole said, "Let's go a vit furder down stream." So they did and hey caught many monstrous fish. They had their limit so they went home. On the way home Sven said, "I marked de spot right in de middle of de boat, Ole." "You Stupid," said Ole, "How do you know ve vill get da same boat next time?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lena passed away and Ole called 911. The 911 operator told Ole that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Ole replied, "At da end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Ole said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up der?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ole, Lena and Sven were lost in the woods of Northern Minnesota and were becoming desperate having run out of food several days ago. It was winter, the snow was deep, their situation was looking very bleak. When Ole dug down into the snow to look for nuts, he found an oil lamp and upon rubbing it to get the snow off, a genie came out. The genie says, "I am da great genie of Nordern Minnesooota and I can grant each of you vun vish." Ole says, "I vish I vas back on da farm."Poof, Ole was gone. Lena quickly says, "I vish I vas back on da farm wit Ole."Poof, Lena was gone. Sven was sitting there looking sad and the genie finally says,"Sven, vat is your vish?" and Sven says, "Gee, I'm really lonely. I vish Ole and Lena were here with me". ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day Ole goes in to see his doctor. Ole says, "Doc, I just don't know vat to do. Lena and me, vell, our sex life just ain't going dat vell." The doctor says, "Ole, all you need is some exercise. I want you to walk ten miles every day. You give me a call in a week and let me know how you're doing." So, a week later the phone rings and the doctor answers it. A voice on the other end says, "Doc, dis is Ole." The doctor says, "Hello Ole. Have you been walking ten miles every day?" Ole says, "Yes." The doctor asks, "And has your sex life improved?" Ole replies, "Well, how da heck vould I know? I'm seventy miles avay from home!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Vun day, Sven vas valking down da street ven who did he see driving a brand new Chevrolet? It vas Ole. Ole pulled up to him vit a vide smile. "Ole, vere did you get dat car?" Sven asked. "Lena gave it to me" "She gave it to you? I knew she vas sveet on you, but dis?" "Vell, let me tell you vut happened. Ve vere driving out on county road 6, in da middle of novere. Lena pulled off da road into da woods. She parked, got out of da car, trew off all of her clothes and said "Ole take vatever you vant."...So I took da car" "Ole, your a smart man, dem clothes never voulda fit ya." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Wit and Wisdom of Ole & SvenOle & Sven died and went to hell. The devil walked by and they weresitting there with their winter coats still on. The devil asked,"Aren't you hot?" Ole replied, "Nah, you got to remember dat we is from Minnesota where it is very cold - this feels very gute to us." This infuriated the devil and he turned the heat up 200 degrees! The next day the devil again passed by and there were Ole and Sven with their winter coats still on! The devil again asked, "Aren't you hot". Sven replied, "Nah, you got to remember dat we is from Minnesota where it is very very cold, the heat is good for our muscles and soothes da aches and pains." This infuriated the devil even more and he turned the heat to the maximum temperature! When the devil walked past Ole and Sven the next day there they were - their winter coats were now unzipped - but still on! The devil screamed at them, "Aren't you hot with your winter coats on?" Both Ole and Sven replied, "Nah, you got to remember dat we is from Minnesota where it is always very cold - this is very nice for us." The devil was determined to make them suffer. He decided to punish Ole and Sven by making hell colder than Minnesota. He turned the furnaces of hell completely off and it became very very cold. Ice hung from the caverns of hell - frost was everywhere. When the devil approached Ole and Sven they could be seen jumping up and down and cheering and giving each other high fives. The devil could not believe this. He asked them, "Now it is colder than Minnesota - how can you be happy?" Ole and Sven replied, "Well, ya know, we is from Minnesota and this can only mean one thing. The Vikings must of finally won a Super Bowl." |
