Santa was having a bad day. Mrs Claus was nagging and
      PMS. The dwarves were working slowly due to rotating
      strikes and picket lines. There were serious assembly
      problems. Claus's daughter required expensive dental
      care after biting down on her tongue ring. Rudolf was
      getting old and stodgy, and was having elimination
      problems. And Claus himself put his back out working
      out at the local Fitness World.
      In the midst of all this a shimmering angel arrived one
      evening with a lovely tree. As Claus answered the door,
      frowning and muttering, the angel smiled and said
      "Merry Christmas, Santa! Here's your tree. Where do you
      want me to stick it?

   "Pop! Goes The Hamster....And Other Great Microwave Games"

   "You Were an Accident"

   "Strangers Have the Best Candy"

   "The Little Sissy Who Snitched"

   "Some Kittens Can Fly!"

   "Getting More Chocolate on Your Face"

   "Where Would You Like to Be Buried?"

   "Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"

   "The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals
    of   North Amer- Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"

   "All Dogs Go to Hell"

   "The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking"

   "When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer, They Say God Did It"

   "Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"

   "What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"

   "Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"

   "Bi-Curious George"

   "Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"

   "Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver"

   "You Are Different and That's Bad"

   "Dad's New Wife Timothy"

   "Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Only Your Household Pets"

   "The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad"

   "Babar Meets the Taxidermist"

   "Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence"

   "The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables"

   "Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom's Purse"

   "The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy"

   "Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"

   "The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead"

   "How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School"

   "Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear"

Q. Why is it harder to make a blonde snowman, compared to a brunette snowman?
A.  You have to hollow out the head!

Q. How do you know that a blonde has sent you a fax?
A.  There's a stamp in the corner of the fax!

Q. Why won't pharmacists hire blondes as secrataries?
A.  They keep on breaking those bottles in the typewriter!

Q. How do you get a blonde to laugh on Saturday?
A.  Tell her a joke on Tuesday!

One day, a blonde and a brunnette were walking on the sidewalk when the
brunette stopped and exclaimed "Look! a dead bird!"  The blonde
immediately looked up and said "Where?  Where?"

 The next day the Irishman opens his lunch box and
 sees Corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death.
 The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a Burrito and jumps too.
 The Redneck opens his lunch, sees the Bologna and jumps to his death also.
 
 At The Funeral The Irishman's wife is weeping. She says, "If I'd known how
 really tired he was of Corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again."
 The Mexican's wife also weeps and says, "I could have given him Tacos or Enchiladas,
 I didn't realize he hated Burritos so much."
 Everyone turned and stared at the Redneck's wife.... "Hey, don't look at me," she said,
 "That dumb-ass makes his OWN lunch!"

 After the first day, little Tommy comes home with a very serious look
 on his face. He doesn't kiss his mother hello. Instead,he
 goes straight to his room & starts studying. Books &
 papers are spread out all over the room and little Tommy is hard at
 work. His mother is amazed. She calls him down to dinner and to her
 shock, the minute he is done he marches back to his
 room without a word and in no time he is back hitting the
 books as hard as before. This goes on for sometime, day after day
 while the mother tries to understand what made all the
 difference.
 
 Finally, little Tommy brings home his report card. He
 quietly lays it on the table and goes up to his room and hits the
 books. With great trepidation, his mom looks at it and to her
 surprise, little Tommy got an A in math. She can no longer hold her
 curiosity. She goes to his room and says: "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?"
 Little Tommy looks at her and shakes his head.
 "Well then," she replies, "was it the books, the discipline, the
 structure, the uniforms, WHAT was it?"
 Little Tommy looks at her and says, "Well, on the first day of school,
 when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."