She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
She thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.
She thought General Motors was in the army.
She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
She thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
She tried to drown a fish.
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said concentrate.
She got stabbed in a shoot-out.
She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put Sagittarius.
She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
It takes her two hours to watch "60 Minutes. '
She studied for a blood test-and failed.
She thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."
She sold the car for gas money!
When she saw the "NC-17 under 17 not admitted," she went home and got
16 of her friends.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left,"
she turned around and went home.
She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
We'll miss her.

HOW YOU KNOW YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH OF THE 1990'S

1.) You tried to enter your password on the microwave.

2.) You now think of three espressos as "getting wasted."

3.) You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.

4.) You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

5.) You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready,
    and he e-mails you back "What's for dinner?"

6.) Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.

7.) You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa,
    but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.

8.) You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted
    one for your e-mail buddies via a web page.

9.) Your daughter just bought a C.D. of all the records your college
    roommate used to play.

10.) You check the ingredients on a can of cicken noodle soup to see
     if it contains echinacea.
11.) You check your blow dryer to see if it's Y2K compliant.

12.) Your grandmother clogs up your e-mail Inbox, asking you to send
     her JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.

13.) You pull up in your own driveway and use your cellphone to see
     if anyone is home.

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During
dinner, God told them,"I invited you to dinner because I needed three important people
to send my message out to all people; tomorrow I will destroy the Earth!"

Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them, "I have two really bad
announcements to make. First, God really does exist, and second, tomorrow he will
destroy the Earth."

Clinton called an emergency session of Congress told them: "I have good news and bad
news. The good news is that God does exist, and the bad news is that he will destroy
the Earth tomorrow."

Bill Gates went back to Microsoft headquarters and told his people, "I have two fantastic
announcements! First,I am one of the three most important people on Earth, and second,
the Y2K problem has been solved!"

A young boy who had just gotten his driving permit asked his father, who was a minister,
if they could discuss his use of the family car.

His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your Grades up, study your
Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it.

"A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his
use of the car. His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your
grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get hair cut."

The young man hesitated for a moment and replied, "You know dad, I've been thinking
about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair,
and even Jesus had long hair."

His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"

A  Millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his
fiftieth birthday, so during this party he grabs the mic and he
announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he
has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. I will
give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across
that pool. So the party continues with no events in the pool,
until SUDDENLY, there is a great splash and all the guests of the
party run to the pool to see what has happened, and in the pool
is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come
out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just
keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him and this guy
reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, wet and soaked. The
millionaire grabs the mic and says, "I am a man of his word,
anything of mine I will give, my ferraris my house, absolutely
anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir
what will it be?" the millionaire asks. The guy grabs the mic and
says, "Why don't we start with the name of the Person that
pushed me in!"

One Sunday morning, Chelsea burst into the living
quarters at the White House and said, "Dad! Mom!
I have some great news for you! I am getting married
to the greatest hunk in Washington. He lives in
Georgetown and his name is Matt." After dinner,
the President took Chelsea aside. "Honey, I have
to talk with you. Your Mother and I have been
married a long time. She's a wonderful wife but
she's never offered much excitement in the bedroom,
so I have fooled around with other women a lot. Matt
is actually your half-brother, and I'm afraid you
can't marry him." Chelsea was heartbroken, but
after eight months she eventually started dating again.
A year later she came home and very proudly
announced, "Robert asked me to marry him! We're
getting married in June." Again her father insisted
on another private conversation and broke the sad news.
"Robert is your half-brother too, Honey. I'm awfully
sorry about this." Chelsea was furious! She finally
decided to go to her Mother and tell her. "Dad has
done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married,"
she complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells
me the guy is my half-brother."  Hillary just shook her
head. Don't pay any attention to what he says dear.
He's not really your father."